Saving Up to Doubt Less
Posted on: April 8, 2010
The moment has come where bitching and complaining has turned into action. The reason I’ve been non-blogging (how many ‘g’s go into this made up word) is a result of big changes in my life. I said I wanted more money to get a new computer; so I took a temp job and now I have a new shiny MacBook. Every time I use it I still wrap it back in its original packaging to be put away in a special cubby. I said I wanted to break into films; I now have a job doing coverage for an executive producer. I said I want to be a writer; I will be completing my first screenplay by the end of the month with Script Frenzy and a director/producer is interested in my plays. I said I wanted to move in six months; I just got offered a second job that will help me pay off my debt and for the first time since 12th grade I will be building savings. Things ‘are a changing.’
With my art I have managed to be focused with a fuzzy lens. When convenient I say I’m an actor, then at times I’m a writer depending on the hoops I prefer to jump at the time. Switching between the two then became an excuse for not succeeding in the other. “I’m not really acting right now so I can focus on my writing.” When the writing gets hard I look to acting again. I run that treadmill. The same can be said about grabbing the occasional well paid job over what I really want to do.
We talk about money so much in this city, how expensive rent is, food, quenching a growing booze habit to cope with living in the crux of human hubbub. To me, and many, the word SAVINGS is like Narnia, it is something that only exists in fantasy. We work so hard to stay a float, swimming from one part time job to another. Snatching a few dollars between strokes in hopes of reaching financial paradise. The idea of making money doing what we love is the dream we keep on the boat for. Our growing fears about money and direction start to grow. Hesitation begins to burrow holes in the hull. When is it time to jump ship?
For the next six months I’ve decided to save and write, write and save. Swim without getting swallowed by the waves, the sharks, or my own doubt.
buy the time ... 
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