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Posts Tagged ‘P90X

Part 3

Do you enjoy Latin beats? Dancing? Shaking your booty?  Slightly awkward accents? Then you’ll enjoy Zumba with Beto.  My opinion is strictly based on the $64.95 I spent with and not the live classes.  I hear there is a huge difference, but with most classes going for at least $15 a session, I will have to stick with pressing the replay button.

Many of the moves remind me of salsa class and dancing at my families’ Big Fat Filipino Weddings.   Most of the moves are fairly easy and a lot of fun to do.  While they are meant to make you feel sexy, “letting the rhythm move you” – DO NOT LOOK IN THE MIRROR WHILE PERFORMING THESE MOVES.  It might just be me, but I never thought I could look that disjointed while shaking my own ass.  And like Zoolander, I found out I am not a ambi-turner. Every time I tried to shake my ass, hold my arm out and turn left, it proved to taxing for my hips to twist while stepping to the beat.  Regardless of such hardships as not knowing my left from my right, the workout always made me sweat and I look forward to working out.

Quirky things about this workout, mind you I have only been doing it for a little over a week now, but there isn’t much variety in the DVD’s.  There are only four of them and many repeat the same moves.  The Cardio Party disc has the most amount of material with a lot of variety, but if you are doing the “10 Day Drop a Dress Size” challenge, you do that particular workout 5 times alternating with the Sculpt Tone disc with Abs disc.  You don’t have the option to turn off the instructions so when Beto, the creator, encourages you for the umpteenth time in a lilted Brazilian accent saying, “You can do it” – you know he’s just dialing it in.  The other instructor, Tanya, who does most of the instruction, is a little more direct but what she says becomes obsolete after the 3rd time doing it.  The music is much lower than the instruction, so the repetitiveness becomes far more apparent and additionally annoying when they start singing along.  Also I am constantly made to feel uncomfortable by the very curly red-head in all black who seems to be seducing me; either that or she had a very familiar relationship with the cameraman to get that much face time.  I find myself envying Gina, her body, the way she moves – that envy however motivates me more.  Then there is the random guest appearance by Flaviana “the International Pop Sensation”, can you call someone international when they are only known in Brazil.  I thought Flaviana was the crappy instant coffee served in offices.  She immediately grades on the nerves with her tiny waste, perfectly wavy blond hair, huge breasts, and the fake and bake that accentuates the G-string tan she has going on.  Now with all that cattiness, I still am moved when she points out that I should keep my shoulders up and suddenly we are friends.

Getting up and moving is the main issue here.  Right now I’m not turning them off or running back to Tony and his grueling twisting and contorting, so for those of you who like breakdowns, here is a pro/con list:



–         Very Fun

–         Relatively Easy (Except for the crazy jumping bean workout from Mexico)

–         Easy enough to stick with every day

–         The girls are great eye candy (boys you can just fast forward and watch Flaviana over and over)

–         Makes you sweat



–         It is not as challenging as P90X so it might not make a huge difference on people who are fairly fit

–         You can’t turn off the instructions

–         The batter between instructors is awkward and totally campy

–         The music is fun but is two low

–         There isn’t much variety in the workout

All this said, I am sticking with Zumba.  Because it is lower impact and I want to get back to my P90X body without using P90X, I have supplemented my workout with Kettlenetics with Michelle Khai.  I don’t feel I’m getting enough strength training and muscle building, so the kettle bell workout will help with that.  I’ll talk about Ms. Khai in my next blog.  In just 7 days, using both, I have lost 4 pounds and my jeans are already feeling better.  I guess the best part of waking up, is Flaviana in my cup.


Part 2

Last summer, I was convinced by multiple infomercials and a picture of a friend of a friend on Facebook that P90X was the answer to my workout woes.  I purchased the 12 DVD program that promised to transform my body into a lean mean muscle machine…or at the very least get me slightly more in shape than I was.  It came with both a workout and food guide.  I read both, but honestly following a food guide for me is equal to following the stars while sailing, I get the gist, I do the best I can but I get lost at sea.  Instead I try to glean the basic information about nutrition and try to remain healthy, eating less of the pizza and more of the salad.

Trying the first DVD on the lean program was a disaster.  I couldn’t believe what I got myself into.  Core synergistics, feels like a made up word, is all about working the core.  I worked on falling on my face, realizing that my body doesn’t fully grasp the concept of a pushup and I disliked Drea and her stupid roll.  Drea, a trapeze artist there to set an example, made me feel a bit on the inferior side.  Thankfully every video has different people working out with the host, so you aren’t made to feel inferior by the same people.

The man at the helm of these workouts, Tony Horton, like most workout junkies turned guru, says he use to be out of shape. I found him likable because of his quirkiness and a genuine attitude in wanting to get me fit.  He is good looking but in an asexual kind of way.  My roommate and I would often discuss his sexual orientation.  Most women I talk to thought he was gay or maybe he is on a higher plane that doesn’t acknowledge sexual attraction.  Most guys I asked simply responded with, “Nah, well he isn’t gay.”  I haven’t asked any gay men, so maybe there is another level of insight I am missing.  With workouts like these they are developed with attraction in mind, buff sweaty bodies making you want to look as attractive as the people you see or you hope to attract the likes of the people who are making you sweat.

Advertising plus the success stories on the website are difficult to argue with, so I continued to work through my lack of coordination and balance.  The 90 minute yoga workout is worth the purchase of the entire system.  Extremely challenging and works every part of the body.  After 4 days of workouts and then a 90 minute Hindi enlightened body breakdown, you pretty much feel like a pretzel of tensions.  Then you workout for 2 more days and for the 7th, just like God, you could rest.  It felt painful to move, to sit, to laugh.  Something was definitely happening, progress was being made.  Everyday the workout would change, every 3 weeks the schedule would very, but you were still working out 6 days a week for 12 weeks.  I made it through 8 weeks.

There was an obvious change; 10 lbs went missing in exchange for muscle.  I’ve never had anything resemble muscle on my body.  The weight loss wasn’t dramatic but because I was getting sculpted it looked like I lost 20lbs.  I went down almost 2 dress sizes but my boobs stayed the same.  I had a wedding to go to and my now disproportionate waste to “my hump” ratio made for a very happy boyfriend but was not made for retail.  After trying on every dress on 5th Avenue from 14th street to 42nd, I found the perfect dress.  I finally understood the phrase, “Fit like a glove.”  My roommate thought I looked like Selma Hayek.  I felt amazing.

Then you realize how difficult it is to go back to a 6 day a week workout regiment after being off it for a few days.  Then when you start getting back into the mood to workout, you remember how hard the workout was and aren’t in a huge rush to get back into it.  Then life happens and you have to find a new place to live, you have more weddings to be apart of, your cousin gets pregnant, you hate both of your jobs, you don’t know where you’re going in life.  You forget all about Tony and his magical DVD’s that can have such a transformative power over your body and would rather see what Steven Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream could do for your crumbling mental state.

After life settled back down, I returned to Tony once again for guidance.  Then I realized I wasn’t as motivated the second time around.  Most of the motivation for the first time came from getting my money’s worth. I didn’t feel like I could “Bring It” like Tony wanted me too.  I needed something new and fresh, so I purchased the next craze in infomercial workouts, Zumba.

There are a few things I want to accomplish over the next year: make a million dollars, lounge on the beaches of South France…see if P90X really works (those infomercials get me every time).  On the more realistic and immediate side of goals getting met are purchasing a new computer (for you to receive more blogs from) and move to my own place.  I have a lovely roommate but there is something wonderful about dancing naked to old school Janet Jackson that may not be appreciated by all.  It will also be nice not to ask at the most inopportune moment, “Do you think we’re being too loud?”  All these things require one major component, MONEY!  To quote Sports Night, one of my favorite shows by one of my favorite writers (Aaron Sorkin), “All my money is tied up in food and shelter.”  I should also add alcohol.  The job I have currently pays the bills and very little of my college loans, so like many of us I am left with little to no savings for the more realistic goals I’ve set.  In my quest for privacy to “dance when I want to” and other physical activities, I’m currently searching for another part-time gig.

‘Gig’ is a word artists use in reference to a show, performance, concert but more often we use the word ‘gig’ to describe the random paid work we get while we search for a real ‘gig’.  To find employment I’ve turned to friends, craigslist, God, but my favorite at the moment is CareerBuilder.  I only say this because of the exceptional post I found yesterday.  The full job title was thus, “Housekeeper/Companion Weekend Only (Live In).”  The job boasts, for strictly weekend work, a salary of $31-$39K a year.  Now before you get ready to sign the application, let me tell you more about your duties: “Prominent mature individual seeks a Housekeeper/Companion to live-in Friday through Sunday and assist with healthy cooking, cleaning, care, laundry, and maintenance in their Upper East Side residence (as well as looking after the gentleman and tending to any needs he may have).”  I get nervous when people use a parenthetical, parenthesis, or air quotes when describing my “job” requirements.  This is the very stuff urban myth’s are made of for your Aunt in Roseville, California to forward you just after her lunch break which she spent getting Chinese with your father.  Next thing you know, you are in a tub of ice water with your kidneys ripped out brought there by a car that never turns on its taillights.  This is the very thing people warn you will happen when coming to New York.  I was stunned to find this company had forty-two posting for catering their executive customers.   The only other jobs listed, not with the same company, with the tile of “companion” all dealt with work in veterinary care. I guess some dogs pay for their best friend.

What are we willing to do to get what we want?  How far disposed?  How often do we sell ourselves to the highest bidder and at what cost?  While the new MacBooks are so shiny, I’m not sure I’m willing to service anyone for a fancy new keyboard without peanut-butter stuck on the shift key.  (Maybe for an iPad.)

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  • Jessica: LMFAO.. How ever, Flavianas ass is REAL! shes from Brazil they are ALL genetically mutated that way... and Beto, he is from brazillian ac
  • mia: Hi, cracked up! flaviana does appear randomly and knows how to hog the camera....but i must say she did have her "15 minutes of fame" in Latin America